Pic update :)

Ok so here is the little owl I just finished on the TTT5. I'm very pleased with how it came out. I used some googly button eyes I had laying about. I think the effect is great!


And here are some lovely pics from Az's first "Lunch on the Lawn". It was great to be able to see Az in action at Kindergarten. I think he was more interested in playing than hanging out with his Ma lol



And lastly here is a picture of my 30 week belly!!!! ooooohhhh polka dots! <3

Top o' the mornin'....

I was hoping to sleep in this morning.... but, it seems Azalea has lost her penchant for sleeping in when her big bro is away. sigh -_- I was up late last night toiling away on my homework, putting some finishing touches on my research and final papers. Now, I'm up eating coconut yogurt. YUM! :)

I'm almost done with my 3rd towel for the TTT5 swap. This is my favorite one so far!^_^ Will post pix later. I need to start working on my book club swap. I know what I'm crafting. I just need to get my arse in gear. NEED a cool looking old tea cup!

This week is a BIG week at Azriel's school. Back to school night, first PTO meeting, and picture day!!! :) Exciting, indeed.

S0, I'm about 30 weeks. A little over 2 months to go. I really excited!

I'm off to feed the doodle monster

Ta-ta

Howard Hughes?

Well, I'm in the middle of HW (no big surprise there) and I got a message from a fellow TTT5 swapper and I must say that I'm touched. I don't really expect that anyone reads my blog. But, the fact that someone did AND sent me a sweet message is mind blowing. Thank you <3

On another note: Did one of my papers for my Child Development class. Go me! I'm still managing to keep the kids fed and clothed, the grades up, and the house is livable. ::High Five::

Az is doing well in Kindergarten. He's adjusting to the long day(me, too). I love seeing him sit in his classroom looking studious and adorable! <3

Azalea is walking machine!! She walks everywhere now. my little chubs is growing so fast! Oh and she started saying "cheese" today!! lol Probably because she constantly sees me stuffing myself with it. It's a sickness, an addiction. CHEESE. I <3 cheese!! So, she's saying "daddy" "doggy"(which pretty much sound the same lol), "thank you", "uh-oh", and now "CHEESE"!

My alien parasite aka fetus... is kicking up a storm. Much more active than the other two were. I'm almost in my third trimester. I feel like a bloated, waddling, baby making machine. Which, is precisely what I am. The other day, Azriel asked me if I was a machine. lol D must have told him I was baby making machine. Wonder what his teacher will say to that when he undoubtedly repeats it.

I just received my 2nd towel for TTT5 swap. The theme is John Hughes (I keep thinking Howard Hughes lol I even googled Howard Hughes on accident.) I seriously haven't a clue what to do!!! I love all his movies but I can't think of anything to embroider. >_<

okokok Must get back to HW. ARGH!!!

Cheated

I should be doing research for my paper, doing homework, picking up, playing with the kids, reading, or something besides crying. But, nonetheless, here I am. Crying. Feeling rather shitty.

This pregnancy I'll be having a c-section just as I did with the other 2. The first one was not planned. For the 2nd I could have opted for a VBAC. But, I didn't. I was scared of a real live birth after the ordeal I went through with the first. But, with this pregnancy I have no choice. I will HAVE TO have surgery. I am not so much as worried about the c-section this time as much as I am saddened that I will never be able to give birth. I have never birthed my children. They were TAKEN out of me while I lay there. My body will never do what it was meant to do. I am having my tubes tied with this pregnancy because it wouldn't be safe for me to have anymore children/c-sections. My chance for a real natural birth is gone. My chance for more kids will be gone. I don't know why this is so upsetting. But, it is. I feel cheated. I cheated myself. It's almost as if I lost out on some integral part of being a woman, of being a mother. I almost feel less of a mother and a woman. I keep thinking, I didn't birth my children. I never will be able to. I am incredibly upset. I wasn't upset last time. D's sister just had her baby a few days ago, naturally. This is her 2nd child. She gave birth in about 5 minutes. I'm sure she is up and about. And, I'm happy that she had a healthy baby girl. But, that happiness is tinged with jealousy. I hate it. I hate that I am jealous of her birth experience. God, I am soooooo fucking upset about this. It's ridiculous and useless to sit here crying. I can't change anything. I have to have another c-section. There isn't any other choice. SO, why am I so upset? Why do I feel like I'm missing out on some integral part of being mother? Why do I feel at so much of a loss?

Implode-y-ness

So, I'm completely and utterly stressing over my two papers due in my Child development course. I haven't written a paper in god knows how long!!!!! Now I have to write one 5 page observation report and an 8 page research paper. >_< I don't even know where to begin. I'm so scattered. I have to do this. Oh wait, no, I have to do this first. No, no, this needs attending to also.... argh. Sp far I'm doing well in all my classes but how long will that last? I'm already feeling the strain. School compounded with Az starting school, Azalea's development, the ever present money issues, D being home every once in a blue moon, the pregnancy, and the swaps is making for a stressed out me. The papers are causing the most anxiety. They are time consuming. Where do I begin? How do I not sound like a ignorant fool? What the hell am I going to say for 8 pages? When will I find the time to research, brain storm, make rough copies, proof read, and finally write these papers? Where does the rest of my life fit in? I need help. I'm in over my head. I haven't admitted it to anyone. But, I think I did bite off a bit more than I can chew. Somehow, I'll figure it out. I have to. Is it bed time yet?