Ok, bottom line, I HATE this place. I HATE Barstow. This place has NOTHING going for it. The people here are generally trashy and ignorant. They constantly gawk at me and my husband. It is completely isolated here. It is hot as hell. There is no craft or yarn store. No bookstore. No pagan/wiccan community. No crafting community. I have literally "0" friends out here. All my friends and family are back in Pasadena and the Valley. It is thoroughly depressing. And it is really starting to get to me. My depression and frustration have been out in full force.
I've been trying to get some skating in everyday. I wanted to do something fun and healthy for myself. I want to get in shape and the treadmill is getting boring. I also want to eventually join a derby league. There is no suitable area to practice skating. The nearest rink in 45 minutes away. The nearest league practice area is over an hour away. This morning as I was going for a skate I got stuck, for the seemingly 1000th time, on one of the huge gaps in the cement and went down. I just sat there for a minute, willing the tears to not come. I wasn't crying because falling hurt but because the frustration of being stuck in this place started spilling out. Skating is just another casualty of living here.
I am so defensive, frustrated, angry and generally depressed lately. I try to keep a smile pasted on for the kids but I always feel those emotions bubbling near the surface just waiting to burst through at any moment. This place is killing me emotionally and mentally.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
I can really empathize with you. I, too, live in a place where I am unhappy...and I know exactly what you mean about the people gawking at you. In my neighborhood, it is the children, and there is about a hundred of them. They just keep having them one after another...and when anyone other than them walk by, they stop whatever they are doing just to stand there and gawk at you like you just stepped off a space ship. And when I step out on my back porch to hang my clothes, they all stop their playing to run to the fence just to stare at my every move. I don't blame the children; the mothers sit there and allow it, don't teach them any better. It just makes you feel real uncomfortable.
Sorry for coming here to your blog and ranting. It's just that I've been holding that in for a long time.
Mary
Boy do I know what you mean. I love where I live now and thankfully my family and friends are here, but I too get gawked at more than my fair share. I've been stuck in places I didn't want to be either. Not just the place I lived, but in never ending ruts. Sometimes it isn't the place it is the routine. I'm working at climbing out of a rut. I hope you are able to find happiness in your heart even if it isn't in your home. Love and blessings.
I have so been there and I'm sorry you are there now. I know it's not the same but if you need a good cyber friend I am here. I hope you can get things worked out. And that you find a good place to skate. :)
Take care sweets!!
Oh man - I know the feeling of being stuck in a town that is far too small minded! I lived in one for the first 18 years of my life.
Plus my partner and I live in Korea and constantly get started at, most of the time I can handle it but sometimes I feel like saying "why don't you take a picture!"
I also know the frustration of not being able to skate - I haven't been about to skate for 10 months and I miss my derby league at home.
I think that you're awesome, I love reading your blog and you have an awesome style.
I know it's hard but tey and keep positive - you won't be stuck in a one horse town forever.
Oh, girl... I'm so sorry! I do hope there's a way for you asap. As Tree said, you won't be stuck in this place forever - this is a fact, keep this in mind, at the very surface.
Sending all the best positive vibes possible your way!
Kisses and much love.
I know what you mean also. My hubby moved us to a state that I HATED!!! Gawking jerks, and inbreeds!!! I have to admit that withing 2 weeks of his death... I was back home!! and I've been happy ever since.
Post a Comment