Zombie Queen's Everyday Adventures

So, I'm crazy.

2012-02-13T12:09:00.000-08:00

I finally broke down and went to the doctor's. I listed my ailments. He ordered some tests. Prescribed Zoloft. Referred me to get some psych therapy. Of course, the whole time I was having an utter mental melt down. I have a phobia of all things medical. I have had the Zoloft for a few days but have yet to take it. The list of possible side effects is more than daunting. I went to the local mental health clinic for an intake appointment. I'm poor. So, the facility is paid for by the county I live in. Almost everyone in there looked like they were only firing on one cylinder. I seemed to be the only coherent person there. Once I was seen by an intake clinician, I was a billion questions. He, of course, assumed based on my appearance that I was some illiterate, drug and alcohol swilling broad. Guess one can't have tattoos, green hair, piercings and stretched ears while maintaining an above average level of intelligence. Good to know. Anyways, he diagnosed me with panic disorder, agoraphobia and depression. Yikes. I have a long road ahead of me. I'm scared and most of the time I feel like I'm barely functioning. Everything overwhelms me. But, at least I took the first steps to getting help and getting better. I can't wait until the day I can go grocery shopping, enter a mall or walk into a movie theater without imploding.

Depression.

2012-01-09T10:55:00.000-08:00

Depression is the worst. Especially coupled with crippling anxiety. I deal with suffocating depression constantly. My moods are up and down. Most mornings I don't even want to get out of bed. Most days I just want curl up in my blankets, watch netflix and deal with no one and nothing. Being in Barstow pretty much gurantees a huge lapse in this sucking black hole of melancholy, self doubt and anxiety. This place is bad for me. It turns me into this emotional wreck. I can't cope here. When I'm back home surrounded by family, friends, smog and civilization I'm more myself. I laugh, I joke, I smile, I'm able to leave the house without having a panic attack. I'm human. My emotional and mental battles are all compounded by the lonliness and the everyday stresses. The smallest things can elicit tears and an emotional explosion. I feel like a shell.

My car is in the shop right now. I was expecting to receive some money last week so that I could fix it. I just found out that money wont be coming until the end of the month. I start school today. I have no money to buy books. My marriage is a failure. My self esteem is shot. I need to makea trip the grocery store. Yet, I can't because I am car-less. I got told off by a woman in my son's school office because I told her he wouldn't be able to make it to school today because we are having car issues. She informed me that, that is NOT a valid excuse and that I should have put him on a bus. I'm not throwing my kid onto a bus when he's never taken one before. I am not changing his routine for one day. What if he forgets to get on the bus on the ride back? What then? I already felt bad enough calling in his absence without her making me feel like utter crap. My neighbors are horrible, loud, obnoxious trash. I'm taking care of 3 kids 24/7 while going to school. It is driving me nuts. There's always a mess. There's always someone whining and crying. There is always someone needing something. I'm exhausted. I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I see nothing attractive, no redeeming qualities. I just want to disappear. I just want to sleep.

But, I can't. I have to keep going for the kids. I'm falling apart but I have to push forward. I want to be loved, not lied to and cheated on. I want to be taken care of. I want some peace and happiness. I want to look like this all the time: Smiling, happy, full of life. That is me. Not this colorless shell I am when I'm here.

Black and Blue....

2011-10-20T15:49:00.000-07:00

Hi! This post is all about my hair. lol I'm letting it grow out. I dyed it bright teal.... Excuse the bed head :)

And now its back to black...

I miss the teal. I feel rather plain with black hair. But, I'm sure I'll adjust to it in no time.

Oh, and I also got a new tattoo a little while ago :)

Easing into with "Me A to Z"

2011-06-03T08:58:00.001-07:00

I saw this post on Betsy's blog From the Mind of AlphaBetsy and I thought this would be a nice easy post to ease me back into blog. So, much has been going on. Good and bad, lots of crafty stuff, too. I'll hopefully update later :)

A.Age: 25
B.Bed size: Full :(
C.Chore that you hate: All of them. I'd much rather being doing other things, like crafting :)
D.Dogs: One. Nellie. She lives with my mom because out apartment is too small for her :(
E.Essential start to your day: Herbal Tea
F.Favorite color: Neon Green
G.Gold or Silver: Silver
H.Height: 5'3"
I.Instruments you play: Nada
J.Job title: SAHM and Student
K.Kids: 3
L.Live: Barstow, Ca
M.Mother's name: Maggie
N.Nicknames: Angie, Ang, Jelly, Jello, Angel, Zombie Queen, ZQ
O.Overnight hospital stays: 3. One for each kiddo
P.Pet peeve: Everyone in Barstow.
Q.Quote from a movie: Albus Dumbledore: The truth is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution.
R.Right or left handed: Right
S.Siblings: 1 brother
T.Time you wake up: between 630 and 730
U.Underwear: At this moment? Bright purple with hot pink lace trim
V.Vegetable you hate: Can't think of any. I love vegetables.
W.What makes you run late: The kids
X.X-Rays you've had: teeth, chest, head, abdomen, leg
Y.Yummy food that you make: Everything!!! I'm effing awesome in the kitchen!
Z.Zoo animal: Sea life in HUGE aquariums

My Shop- Arachne Fiber Arts!

2011-02-09T09:41:00.000-08:00

I wanted to let you guys know that I finally got around to opening up a shop on Etsy for my hand spun yarns and hand painted fiber for spinning or felting. I'm not hoping to make a living out of this shop. But, I'd like to make a little money to support my crafting :) I love spinning, felting, dyeing and knitting. I pretty much love all things to do with fiber. Please take a look and tell me what you think. Get free shipping or 15% off your entire purchase when you mention my blog. Find my shop here

Here's a peek of the some fiber and yarn available in the shop:

Vampire Girl 1 and 2- Merino and Tencel yarns

Vampire Girl 2- Merino and Tencel yarn

Sea Foam- Merino and Tencel yarn

Rose Garden- Merino and Tussah Silk fiber.

Oceania- Wensleydale Fiber

Fairy Wings- Merino and Tussah Silk Fiber

Aurora Borealis and Northern Lights- BFL Fiber

I would love to make a banner and logo for the shop but I haven;t a clue what to do for the graphics. The name sake of my shop is, of course, Arachne. This is what Wikipedia has to say about her... "Arachne was a great mortal weaver who bhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifoasted that her skill was greater than that of Minerva, the Latin parallel of Pallas Athena, goddess of wisdom and crafts. Arachne refused to acknowledge that her knowledge came, in part at least, from the goddess. The offended goddess set a contest between the two weavers. According to Ovid, the goddess was so envious of the magnificent tapestry and the mortal weaver's success, and perhaps offended by the girl's choice of subjects (the loves and transgressions of the gods), that she destroyed the tapestry and loom and slashed the girl's face."

New Year, Old me....

2011-01-09T15:44:00.000-08:00

Hello all!!! My, oh my! It has been quite a while since I've blogged. I had all these plans to get my self blogging regularly. Obviously, they went completely out the window. lol I can;t promise that this year will be any better. Life is crazy and hectic. I'm trying to better myself. That takes even more of my precious little free time. Many things have changed since I have last blogged and even more have stayed the same. For starters, I've decided to take a couple months off of school and when I do return I will only be going half time instead of full time. I don't know how long I'll continue going half time. Maybe a just a semester or two. Another change... I've shaved my head! I had a mohawk but that was WAAAAAAAAAY too much of a pain to keep up. Here's a photo of my mohawk:

And this is me now:

So yea.... a goal of mine this year, is to not cut my hair at all. I want to grow it out so badly! But, I do love a good head shaving. Wish me luck on my hair growing endeavor. So for another major difference this year... We have a pup! Her is name is Asoka (My son named her for a Star Wars character) and we adopted her from the local animal shelter. She is a such a gentle love!!! We totally lucked out with her :)

Other than those I think things are pretty much the same :)

I do, however, wish to change that. I have made a list of things I want to accomplish this year. I haven't completely complied a craft related goal list yet. But here is my general list thus far:

1- Take a multi vitamin daily
2- Drink at least 8 cups of water/herbal tea daily
3- Exercise for at least 30 minutes 5 times a week
4- Stretch daily
5- Make more time for my spirituality
6- Read at least 6 new books
7- Journal at least 4 times a week
8- Meditate at least twice a week
9- Track my food intake
10- Make more time for myself
11- Learn to roller skate

I've gotten a pretty good start if I do say so myself. I know all of this wont be accomplished over night. I wont I start journaling or remembering to take my vitamins every day, right off the bat. I have been exercising regularly. I joined a roller derby exercise challenge to help me along the way. The challenge includes weekly lists of exercises and food recommendations. There is even a prize at the end of the challenge. the challenge started today. I am totally psyched!

Anywho I better be off :)

Do not enter this super awesome giveaway...

2010-11-04T16:36:00.000-07:00

;) Rune Soup is hosting an amazingly awesome giveaway!!! But, seriously... don't enter it. I need all the chances I get to win.
Giveaway

Awesome Halloween Giveaway from Mrs. B!!

2010-10-31T09:30:00.000-07:00

I would be totally floored to win the full set of the Weiser Field Guides!!! Check out it awesome giveaway for a chance to win :)
http://www.confessionsofapagansoccermom.com/2008/10/giveaway-from-weiser-books_31.html

Giveaway!

2010-10-31T08:58:00.000-07:00

http://www.confessionsofapagansoccermom.com/2008/10/giveaway-from-october-farm.html

Giveaway from October Farm via Mrs. B's blog! Check it out.

Sugar Free

2010-09-27T07:17:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of my week long Sugar Free challenge to myself. I have a HUGE sweet tooth and I'm afraid that its going to lead to diabetes. I need to control it. So, I've challenged myself to go cold turkey for a week and then go from there. I really do believe that sugar is addictive. I eat sweet stuff everyday. I'll be avoiding super sugary stuff like baked goods, overly sugary cereals, candy, etc. I wont be avoiding fruit. I am on the fence about yogurt. That stuff has a TON of sugar but it is generally good for you. My eating is in disarray. I'm always feeling so run down. I'm hoping by reigning in my trouble areas one by one I'll start to feel a difference. Wish me luck!

Also, since I've missed my last couple Fiber Fidays, here's what I've been up to:

I'm calling him Papa Smurf! :) Someone on Craftster suggested the name. I think it is totally perfect! lol

Here's some older stuff

Finally finished spinning and plying "Kraken" I totally love the way is came out. It is so shiny and smooth. The bamboo merino blend was a breeze to spin. I had some issues at the very start but once I got a feel or the fiber is went splendidly! :)

And this interesting yarn is called "Sid and Nancy". The fiber came from a famous couple spin along. I loved spinning this chunky, lumpy, bumpy art yarn. But, it really made me realize that I need to get a bulky flyer for my wheel if I plan on spinning more art yarns, which I do. It was a bitch to have to hand turn the bobbin to wind the yarn onto it.

And.. I Started spinning the gold for the Gryffindor yarn

Also here are some pictures from our mini vacation to San Diego we took a couple weeks ago. My cousin was getting married. Danny's dad also lives down there. We decided to stay a few days. The kids LOVED being by the ocean.

It was so nice to get away for a little while. We're planning our next mini vacation around me and Adeline's birthday, which is on the same day! We're saving up to go to Disneyland on Dec. 2nd. It has been sooooo long since I've been, they kids have never been and I have never visited the park during Christmas season. I want to see tons of Nightmare Before Christmas stuff!! I'm curbing my spending on craft supplies and generally tightening the purse strings to save for this trip. ^_^

I am Sex Kitten!! Hear me Meow!

2010-09-18T19:00:00.000-07:00

So, as a rule I never really post full body pictures of myself. And if I do there has to be something obstructing the view of my body, so no one can see just how huge I am. But, this past weekend my husband took some really nice photos of me all made up. We were in San Diego for my cousin's wedding. I was shocked at how nice I look in it. I felt so sexy and confident in this photo. I love getting dressed up and out of my rumply dumply "mom" clothes. I like to prove to myself that I am still sexy, sensual, powerful and confident. Soooo... here it is :) It'll probably the one and only unobstructed full body shot I'll ever post

and here is an edited version. I think it goes nicely with the photo

Fiber Friday

2010-08-27T22:25:00.000-07:00

Hello! Sorry I'm running a bit late. We were pretty busy today between back to school shopping, meeting Az's new teacher, and general errands. I am pretty tired. So, this post will be short.

I haven't been up to much spinning this week, unfortunately. I'm only working on "Kraken" I have a bout 1/4 of it spun up. I LOVE how its turning out.

I am almost completely done with a pair of Ravenclaw socks. I have one sock done and am about 3/4 of the way through the 2nd sock. I had originally started them for a swap but ran out or time. They are nit too long for me. So, if anyone is interested in them, let me know!

This is the fiber I bought to spin up some gorgeous Gryffindor yarn for some projects for my son and Nydia's little boy :) It's this incredibly soft and squishy merino! I may end up ordering more. We'll see.

That's all for now. :)

Fiber Fr- errrr.. Saturday.

2010-08-21T19:34:00.000-07:00

Ok, so... I totally meant to post yesterday but I got side tracked by some delicious mini vanilla egg custard tarts and swedish meatballs and finishing up some knitting. Man, I HATE sewing in the ends and stuff. Ugh.

So, what have I been up to fiber wise? I've spun and plied a bunch of stuff! I plied this awesome wool and alpaca blend, 100% cotton and a mini skein of white wool that I plan on kool aid dyeing later(not pictured).

I finished spinning all three batts from the toy story spin a long

Buzz

Woody

Rex

Rex and Woody were both super chunky art batts and Buzz was oh so smooth!

I finished knitting about 3 or 4 projects. I capelet for a personal swap, a pair of wrist restraints, ball gag and eye mask for the Adult Swap on craftster.

the hubby modeling them for me :)

The mask (I knit it out of some cotton handspun then lined it with some super soft scrap fiber I had leftover form a baby blanket)
I've started on a mushroom themed embroidery block for a personal swap, too. I purchased some Gryffindor colored fiber to spin in to yarn to knit some thing for Nydia's little witch and Azriel, who happen to both be HUGE HP fans :)

This week happened to be an awesome mail week for my as well. I received the most amazing angel packages for a Harry Potter Swap on Ravelery

Az with a crocheted Golden Snitch that he immediately confiscated from the package.

First angel package. Aren't the mini sock and sweater adorable?! And in the awesome Ravenclaw colors ^_^

I managed to snag to Phat Fiber Boxes this month! This month's theme was Africa. The boxes were a sensory overload. so much squishy softeness. I can't to spin it all up!! ^_^

Oh! I never posted pictures of the gorgeous tarot bag that Andreann made me!

I also received the yarn and fiber I ordered from Amy @ Out of Step Dyeworks. She is my most favorite dyer of all times. You must check out here stuff!! Her stuff is consistently gorgeous. Her colorways are vivid, bright and wonderfully named.

Ok folks that's about it on the fiber front. I've at on for another 2 projects that I'm hoping to knock out in a couple days. And there is a bunch of fiber calling my name!!!

Facebook/Myspace

2010-08-16T18:25:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to address something. I deleted both my facebook and myspace profiles. I just realized that some might think i just deleted them. So, I just wanted to put it out there I did,in fact, delete my whole profile- not just you. I deleted them because frankly, I spend WAY too much time on them. I also feel that 90% of my "friends" could give a rat's ass about my life. The drama on those sites are just outrageous. The way I look at it, is that if someone wants to get in contact with me or is interested in my life they have several ways to about it, email-blog-text-call. All of my online friends that are important to me already follows my blog and I theirs or I can reach them on Ravelry or craftster. So, I hope no one takes it personally :)

Insanity...

2010-08-16T17:31:00.000-07:00

So, some of you may have noticed the lack of blog posts lately. Well, my mental state has taken a decline. I haven't really had the motivation to upkeep the blog or much anything else. BUT, I've set some goals for myself. Starting this Friday I will have two regular features on this blog "Tarot Tuesday" and "Fiber Friday". I was planning on starting this Tuesday but I haven't had the time to do proper research due to school starting, aforementioned mental state and crafting. What do I hope to accomplish with these regular features? Well, for starters I am hoping it will help me maintain my little place in the interwebs. I think it will help to keep this blog up. Plus, I am very much interested in Tarot and by having this weekly feature I'll be schooling myself and hopefully my readers can learn an interesting thing or two. As for Fiber Friday? Well, I don't think its any secret that I love all things fibery. We are surrounded by fiber and I just think its wonderful! I hope to share my interest and current crafty endeavors with a focus on my knitting and spinning. I am also hoping to get in a personal blog each week for a total or 3 entries per week. Can I do it? Sure. WILL I do it? Only time will tell.

Spin, span, spun...

2010-07-02T20:45:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling better since my last post. We'll see how long that lasts, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed! We are heading to see my mom for the weekend. That should provide some much needed happiness. Tomorrow we're also planning on taking the kids to a museum and then having a BBQ at my mom's. the rest of the weekend should involve swimming, bowling, spinning, BBQ'ing, fireworks and general merriment. I'll also be meeting my mom's new boyfriend. I think this is her first serious BF since her husband passed away a year and a half ago. I hope things go well. I am actually pretty nervous about meeting him....

I have been spinning a lot lately. I imagine it is because of the excitement of getting a wheel in the near future. I set up a deal on a used Ashford Joy single treadle with a traveling bag. I even got $100 knocked off in exchange for some nice fiber and yarn. I LOVE this wheel!!! I can't believe I am actually going to be getting this beautiful wheel!!! Her name is Helen and this is what she looks like.

Anyways here is some of the stuff I've spun this week...

I also taught Az to spin a bit and this is what he did... He was surprisingly gentle with the fiber

Danny also taught him to crochet....

(pretending it is a beard... lol)

Oh yea! I gave him a mohawk!

Some random pictures...

Hope you all have a great weekend!!

Grrr!!! Rant against Barstow.

2010-06-29T09:13:00.000-07:00

Ok, bottom line, I HATE this place. I HATE Barstow. This place has NOTHING going for it. The people here are generally trashy and ignorant. They constantly gawk at me and my husband. It is completely isolated here. It is hot as hell. There is no craft or yarn store. No bookstore. No pagan/wiccan community. No crafting community. I have literally "0" friends out here. All my friends and family are back in Pasadena and the Valley. It is thoroughly depressing. And it is really starting to get to me. My depression and frustration have been out in full force.

I've been trying to get some skating in everyday. I wanted to do something fun and healthy for myself. I want to get in shape and the treadmill is getting boring. I also want to eventually join a derby league. There is no suitable area to practice skating. The nearest rink in 45 minutes away. The nearest league practice area is over an hour away. This morning as I was going for a skate I got stuck, for the seemingly 1000th time, on one of the huge gaps in the cement and went down. I just sat there for a minute, willing the tears to not come. I wasn't crying because falling hurt but because the frustration of being stuck in this place started spilling out. Skating is just another casualty of living here.

I am so defensive, frustrated, angry and generally depressed lately. I try to keep a smile pasted on for the kids but I always feel those emotions bubbling near the surface just waiting to burst through at any moment. This place is killing me emotionally and mentally.

Giveaway Winner!

2010-06-26T13:47:00.000-07:00

So, I had my oldest close his eyes and pick a name out of a hat. The winner is AlwaysInspired!! :) Congrats, dear :) PM me your address and I'll send out the goods Monday or Tuesday.

Mother Moon's Anniversary Giveaway

2010-06-25T12:55:00.001-07:00

Mother Moon is hosting a wonderful giveaway to celebrate her blogging anniversary. She is giving away three awesome packages. Please check out this wonderful chance to win some very cool prizes and her awesome blog :)

Midsummer Giveaway

2010-06-19T15:01:00.000-07:00

Okay my darlings!! Here's the deal, I am going to give some Midsummer/Litha inspired goodies away.

What's up for grabs? Some homemade herbal salve, hand mixed "stress less" herbal tea, assorted herbs, some squishy, bright handspun yarn and some fancy chocolate. I'll post pictures in a bit :)

How to enter?
1 entry- Be a follower of my blog.
1 entry- Tell me how you plan on celebrating Midsummer. For those of you who do not celebrate, tell me your favorite summer activity or what summer means to you.
For extra entries blog about it, tweet, fb it... etc. Each mention counts for an extra entry.

The giveaway ends Saturday June 26th at 12pm.

Button, button, who's got the button?

2010-06-16T12:19:00.000-07:00

I finally figure out how to put a scrolling button thinga-ma-jig on my blog. Well, actually, the dh did. He is much more computer and html savvy that I am. Speaking of buttons, I really want to make myself a button. But, I have no idea how to make it or what it should look like. I really want a whole new layout for the blog, too.

Anyways, I am feeling better this week. I started eating healthier and exercising everyday. Let me tell you, it is doing me a world of better! I also registers for the fall semester this morning. Me and the dh are taking 2 classes together, Bio 11 and Poli Sci 1. Fun, fun. I am also taking Math 50 (elementary algebra. LMAO I SUCK at math!!) and Cultural Anthropology. I am going to be taking a break from swapping starting in August. I am going to have to out all my attention on the kids and school.

I also wanted to thank all of you for sharing your kinds words,thoughts and experiences in the last post. It meant A LOT to me. Thank you! It is nice to know that there are people out there that care and have been where I am and have survived :) You ladies do indeed rock!

My car is in the shop for the second time within a week. This time it is because it didn't pass smog. Ugh. I had to pass up an awesome spinning wheel so that we'd have the $ to pay for my lovely P.O.S. But, I really do love my car. She is an older model Volvo station wagon and she is awesome! Her name is Turbo Betty. I am in love with Volvos!! My first car was a super old rust-orange Volvo named Vera :)

My partner received for the punk baby swap. I'll be posting pictures of the awesome stuff I made her.

I'll also be running the giveaway later today. So, keep a look out!!

Life getting in the way again....

2010-06-10T17:31:00.000-07:00

Hello all. I am so sorry that I've been behind on posting the giveaway. I've been hit with a bunch of stuff in the past couple weeks. To be quite honest, things between me and my dh have been pretty tense and not getting better. He is rarely home, which puts an incredible amount of stress on me. I am basically raising three kids on my own. I have no energy. I am always lonely and upset. I have no one to talk to. All of my family and friends are hours away. I need some adult interaction. He just doesn't get it. There is so much more to the situation that I just don't want to get into.

Azriel has been having tummy aches off and on for the last 2 weeks. I think they're brought on by anxiety. And I am totally blaming myself for it. I try so hard to be a good mom but I know I'm falling short. My patience has worn thin.

My car is in the shop with a most likely busted radiator. So, I am stuck in the middle of nowhere, where I know no one, with 3 kids and no car. Great. I have no idea how much it'll cost to fix it. It'll most likely clean out our savings.

I am having a major craft block. I have 2 swaps due by the end of the week. I am cringing. I am going to have to be late.

I want to be appreciated and cared for. I want to feel alive again.

I feel stuck and frustrated. I am so mad at him. I am so frustrated with him.

Out of commission

2010-06-08T17:36:00.000-07:00

The keyboard of our desktop is ruined because Adeline knocked over my cup of water all over it. The space bar, b, n, scroll arrows, Abe window keys are done for. I'm accesing my blog from my iPod touch while I'm laying on my side to let the ear oil seep onto my ear and so it's job. I'm almost positve that I have an ear infection. I had one a couple of months ago, too. I'm tired of taking antibiotics. I've heard some great things about ear oil and figured I'd give it a try. The oil is called "Wally's Ear Oil" and it has a blend of natural oil and herbal extracts. I'll let you all know how it works out :) Keep your fingers crossed. I hate going to the doctors. I also picked up some ear candles. I'll have the dh candle me tomorrow.

I'll be posting the giveaway tomorrow after I get a new keyboard :) if this one goes well I can see doing more.

Giveaway?

2010-06-05T16:37:00.000-07:00

I was thinking of rewarding all my faithful readers with a giveaway soon. Nothing makes me happier than getting comment notifications from this blog. Thank you guys all so much for taking the time to read my posts!!! You all rock!! ^_^ I was thinking of giving away some yarn or fiber or fabric or (maybe all three! lol) hand mixed tea, homemade salve/balm and some chocolate. What do you all think?

Chamomile

2010-06-03T09:43:00.000-07:00

I always try to have chamomile flowers on hand. Not only do they make great, relaxing tea, they also are great to for a few all natural remedies. Here are some of the uses from HerbMontor.com's Herbalpedia. (I highly recommend this website. It has a wealth of herbalism classes and knowledge.)

USES:

Skin care: acne, allergies, boils, burns, cuts,
chilblains, dermatitis, earache, eczema, hair
care, inflammations, insect bites, rashes,
sensitive skin, teething pain, toothache, wounds
Circulation,

Muscles and Joints: arthritis,
inflamed joints, muscular pain, neuralgia,
rheumatism, sprains.

Digestive System: dyspepsia, colic, indigestion,
nausea

Genito-urinary system: dysmenorrhea,
menopausal problems, menorrhagia

Nervous system: headache, insomnia, nervous
tension, migraine and stress-related complaints

Other Uses: Used in pharmaceutical antiseptic
ointments and in carminative, antispasmodic
and tonic preparations. Used extensively in
cosmetics, soaps, detergents, high-class
perfumes and hair and bath products. Used as a
flavor ingredient in most major food categories,
including alcoholic and soft drinks

I usually ingest chamomile on a daily basis with a hand mixed tea geared towards relieving stress. It is a great way to unwind after a long and stressful day. Especially because I am prone to anxiety and stress. If anyone is interested I can post the tea blend recipe :)

I also use chamomile to treat a number of things like diaper rash and pink eye. For example, today the youngest in our brood woke up with pink eye. YUCK!!! So, I brewed up a strong tea of plain old dried chamomile flowers. This brew would also work for diaper rashes, too.

Strong Tea:

Start with died flowers and some water. I don't have any set amounts. I just eyeball it. But, I would say maybe a 1/4 of flowers for every two cups of water.

Bring the water to a boil.

Drop in the flowers and let steep for about 15 minutes.

Strain

Put the tea in a jar. To use just soak a clean cotton ball either clean the area or use as a compress.

Another great way to use chamomile in your home, is to help with teething pain. Throw some dried flowers into a burlap or cotton muslin bag and let the little one chew, chew, chew!

Busy, busy, busy!

2010-05-31T09:24:00.000-07:00

I thought that with school out(for me) I would have much more free time. Not so. lol I have managed to fill up my time with reading and crafting. I'm currently reading the latest installment of the Merry Gentry series, Divine Misdemeanors, by Laurell K Hamilton. What can I say, I loves me a good smutty supernatural read! :) I also want to catch up on the all the good vampire reading out there. It has been a while since I've started a new series. And as always I am crafting away. I'm finishing up the items for the Punk baby swap. Everything is coming along great! I'm still toiling away on the Yarnie Scavenger Hunt Swap. But, I've got about two more before send outs. And I have all my recipes for the Recipe Swap. I have a bunch of secrets written down for PostSecret Swap. And for the biggest swap yet... the Litha/Personal swap with the awesome Andréann from Aux Demilunes. I am SOOOOO very, very excited for this swap. We have been talking of doing a personal swap for a while now. So, we are combining it with the Litha/Midsummer swap. She is so damn talented and nice to chat with, plus we have very similar tastes. I have a couple items started and a whole list of ideas!

Yesterday the family took a trip to the Devil's Punchbowl County Park. I thought it would be fun to get outdoors and go on a nature excursion before it becomes unbareably hot. We decided to do the mile long course because what's a mile, right? Pssshhh! A piece of friggin cake, that's what. HAHAHAHAHAHA!! In hindsight I laugh at such foolishness. What was I thinking? A mile hike with 3 kids, 2 of which are under two years old. The first half was great, pretty level if not gradually downhill. About the halfway mark the baby carrier was getting heavy and I started getting the sneaking suspicion that the rest of the leg was going to be uphill. This was also around the time Azriel started whining he was tired ans Azalea started screaming for juice and I started having a good ol' panic attack. I can look back and laugh now. But, I swear I wanted to punt the kids into the stream (except for the baby who didn't cry once!) I had to practically drag Azalea the rest of the way up the hill while she screamed bloody murder for her bear that we left in the car. But, we made it after having to crawl on hands and knees up a sandy slopes, at points. But, you know what? I had fun!! lol It felt good to be outside and using my body. Next time I'll make sure to research the trail a bit more :)

Crafty like ice is cold!

2010-05-28T13:19:00.000-07:00

I know that is has been a while since I've posted. Finals are over and I totally aced them!! Go me! ^_^ Here's a couple of things I've been up to lately...

Carrot Cake sandwich cookies. I based them off of this one, with some slight modifications.

Pretty Sari Silk that I spun up

Some embroidery

and a little sewing...

Finals Week

2010-05-18T13:09:00.000-07:00

Mt brain is mush :( I have one final to take and one term paper due by the end of the week. I haven't even started the paper. I keep getting side tracked by kids, baking and crafting. I am such a huge procrastinator. Argh... I feel so burnt out. What am I going to do?!

Yeehaw!

2010-05-12T21:00:00.000-07:00

This weekend my mom came down to stay for Mother's Day and Azriel's 6th birthday. Wowza!!! Can't believe my baby is 6 >_< I will freely admit I totally got teary eyed. We took him to Calico for his birthday. Calico is basically the only local attraction. It is an old mining and ghost town. I LOVE stuff like that. I'll take places steeped in history over Chuck E. Cheese any day. We had so much fun!!! Here are some pictures.

The day started with some lovely smiley face pancakes at the request of the birthday boy

Train ride!! Yay!!

Completely enthralled

Gramma, Azalea, and Bear.

Adeline!

Danny with his new BFF

Trying it on for size

mm.. sasparilla!!

View through a broken glass bottle @ the glass bottle house

Finally, a picture of me... lol in front of the glass bottle house

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!

in front of the train :) We rode it twice because he loved it so much!

Life is Good Award

2010-05-10T16:55:00.001-07:00

This is from a post on Danni's blog, The Whimsical Cottage.I'm hoping to snatch the "Life is Good Award". It will be my first blog award.

1. What is your Quest? To be comfortable in my own skin. I'm getting there :)
2. What is your favorite color? That is so hard! I guess I'd have to say purple, a nice bright jewel tone.
3. What is the Speed of an Unladen Swallow? I do not have the brain power to even begin to think of calculating that....
4. Where is your favorite place to go and relax? My bedroom
5. Who is your favorite fictional character? Ayla from the Earth's Children Series. But, that was a really tough question. I love reading and there are so many awesome characters out there. I am sure if you asked me this question an hour from now you'd get a different answer :)
6. Which is better the book or the movie? Hands down the book!!
7. Skyclad or Clothed? Skyclad. I'm not a huge fan of clothes. When I am doing a ritual I feel more in tune with I have no clothing as a distraction.
8. What is your favorite animal? Pigs. I love pigs! :)
9. How do you mix magic into your everyday life? I try to remember that everything has energy and a spark of life and that I should honor it. I try to pass that on to um kids.
10. Can you do a cartwheel? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA That's all I have to say to that ;P

Dark Days

2010-05-04T11:03:00.000-07:00

What can I say? Lately, my depression and anxiety have been kicking my ass. Its a horrible feeling to not want to get out of bed, to have no passion for the things that I love and enjoy, the restlessness, the lethargy, the sense of impending doom. Why can't I be one of those happy people with an eternally sunny outlook? I feel so utterly alone out here.

Control the Internal Blaze

2010-05-04T10:27:00.001-07:00

Control the Internal Blaze

Posted using ShareThis

I need to do this -_-

Beltane

2010-05-02T16:27:00.000-07:00

Beltane was the first sabbat I celebrated. I had grand ideas of what me and the children would do. Some maypole action, baking, and passing through a "bonfire". Well, I actually did NONE of that. Instead, I did a simple candle ritual by myself after the I put the kids to bed. I decided to go with my own ritual because I wanted something simple and meaningful. I had heard that Beltane symbolized this or that but when I spoke to the God and Goddess I spoke of a unity, an eternal embrace, fertility, blessings and gave thanks. I also used my Beltane candle fires to cleanse and charge my magical items because they have never been used before. It felt amazing to partake in my own ritual. I am so glad that I decided to make Beltane my first sabbat.

Scrub-a-dub-dub!!!

2010-05-02T11:23:00.000-07:00

The kids are driving me crazy and I need to get some housework and homework done.So, I decided that the kids and needed to do something crafty today in the hopes that it would tire them out a bit! I took a looksie in my crafting closet and saw the HUGE amount of fiber I have stashed in there. (Let me go on the record as saying that one can NEVER have enough fiber.) My eyes alighted upon a box of scratchy wool roving I use for needle felting. My mom had given me a bunch yummy smelling soap. I remembered seeing a post on felted soap somewhere. Felted soap is awesome for scrubbing and exfoliating! In hindsight, I'd use less roving. I think ours turned out a bit too lumpy. Okie doke...

Supplies- soap, wool roving in assorted colors, old nylon stocking, some string, dish/liquid soap(not shown).

Spread out/layer your roving

Wooly soap bundle!! Yay!

Wrap it up in some nylon(cheesecloth will work too)and tye up the ends. This step is really only necessary for smaller kids.

Let the kids loose in the bathtub and lather, lather, lather! This process should take upwards of 5 minutes

Felted soap!!

This is the one I did

Pretty colors!! @_@

And here's a delicious cake I based off a recipe from Photographing the Dead. I tried linking to the site but apparently I'm a dodo and can't figure it out :(

MMMMMM... everything is better with fresh whipped cream... ::drools::

Tinctures

2010-04-30T15:24:00.000-07:00

I have extras of some valerian and echinacea tinctures I made. They are available for swapping if anyone is interested! They were made with 80 proof vodka and organic herbs from Rose Mountain Herbs.

Beltane Swap Sent!

2010-04-30T12:59:00.000-07:00

I sent all the items for the Beltane swap. Now that my partner has received I cn poast pictures!

I did my first piece of lacework for this swap. And I made a bunch of mistakes but I am happy with it and I'm planning on making this goddess shawl for myself! In these pictures its all pinned up for blocking. That's why its a bit distorted.

(I need to work on my blocking skills....)

Close up of the Goddess in the center

I also made a hematite pendulum and a Beltane themed goddess stuffie. I enclosed some beads and a Arachne card.

And here is what I received from my fabulous partner! She made me an altar kit since I am new to paganism and still finding my path...

She embroidered the altar cloth herself!

I have the altar all set up on a dresser top awaiting use :)

On another swappy note, I sent out my frugal swap package today. I filled it with lots of homemade frugal goodies.

Smile, dammit!

2010-04-30T10:05:00.000-07:00

My D goes back to work today and I probably wont see him for another week ::sigh:: Times are tough right now. I constantly have to remind myself of my blessing so I don't decide to just stay in bed for the rest of the day. Some days are really rough and my depression and anxiety hit me like a pile of bricks. I feel incapable of the smallest, simplest task. I have to tell myself "This is only temporary. You are working towards a better future for your family. Smile, dammit!" "Portland, Portland, Portland" Why can't I be in Portland already? Me and Mr. Zombie Queen have decided to move to Portland. So, he has taken on more hours so that we replenish our savings. We are hoping to move within 3-6 months. I can't wait! I KNOW life will be so different. I KNOW there will be more opportunities out there for us. I know it... SO until then I trudge forward with unflagging determination because I want this so bad. I want a better life for my family.

Know what I need? A tattoo. Cindy you should come for a visit and we should go get tattooed! Then we can knit and shoot the shit while the kids play, catch a flick at the drive in, play some mini golf, catch a concert... lol Why do you live so dang far?!!!

I leave you all with some old pictures! :)

Can you believe he is going to be 6 in a week and a half?! I can't!!!

Future Knitter

2010-04-27T14:32:00.000-07:00

Try and tell me that isn't damn cute...

Hand Update-

2010-04-21T15:00:00.000-07:00

SO, I really screwed up my hands, especially my right hand. Not only does it hurt to type and text, it hurts to craft. Depressing. I'm going to have to contact my swap partners and organizers to say that I will be sending late. I hate having idle hands! But, pretty much anything I do hurts :(

My achey, achey hands....

2010-04-20T08:32:00.000-07:00

So, I've been knitting the sh*t outta something for my Beltane swap and as of yesterday my hands are soooooooooooooo achey.But, I can't stop now. I'm almost done!!! I also wanted to knit up some stuff some my frugal swap but we'll see how my hands are doing after I finish the _____. I hope this doesn't become something permanent or worsen. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't knit!

Injecting some creativity...

2010-04-15T20:14:00.000-07:00

I try to do something creative everyday, whether it be trying a new recipe, finding a way to Mmake herbs a part of my everyday life, knit, embroider, play with clay.... you get the picture. But, I think that I will actually challenge myself to do something "crafty" each day. I think it'll be great for my creativity and sanity!
Today:
2 things for my Frugal Swap
Made some Sage Tooth Powder(a natural alternative to toothpaste)
Worked on my large item for the Beltane Swap
Cooked up a new recipe-Chili lime tofu (YUM!)

Here are some pictures of my creative endeavors over the past week or two.

Shrimp, cabbage, daikon radish eggs rolls

Needle Roll for Cindy(one of my pen pals)

Homemade vanilla custard with freshly whipped cream and organic wild blueberries

Polymer clay veggies before I glazed and made them into jewelry for my Farmer's
Market Swap

Meringue cookies made with the leftover egg whites from the custard

My pretty chicks :)

Sprouting Lavender!

Marjoram

On the left is a Valerian tincture and on the right is some calendula and comfrey being infused in olive oil.

Black bean soup. Soooooooooooooooo good!! We topped ours off with some sour cream, a sprinkling of jack cheese and some perfectly ripe avocado!

Dark and milk chocolate llama I spun up

My gorgeous dh, just because I <3 looking at him! lol

My handsome boy! He was being silly with a ponytail holder. lol

Pretty lil' Adeline :) I'm so glad she has figured out how to comfort herself.

lol She's totally posing here. She loves the camera

lol.. Don't ask...

My hero's journey...

2010-04-14T12:29:00.000-07:00

In my Art History class we are studying Roman art and discussing the Odyssey. One of our assignments this week was to write a 2 page paper describing a hero's journey that we have taken. After writing this I felt inspired. It did me some good to look back at what I have overcome and how far I have come. It inspired a sense of accomplishment and thankfulness. Here is what I wrote:

I believe that my true hero’s journey began when I became pregnant at the age of 17. I was attending community college and working part time. I was still very much a selfish child only after one’s own enjoyment. When I found out I was pregnant my life changed immediately. The pregnancy and subsequent child would either make me or break me. I had been through some rough times before and knew I could persevere and do what was best for this little life inside of me. I was still living with my parents at the time. Telling my mom was one of the hardest things I had to do. I told her and she took it relatively well. It was decided that the father would move in with me. We tried our best to make things work and come together as a family. I continued to work and go to school even though I was exhausted and achy. I was determined to provide the best that I could for my child. I didn’t want to become another statistic for teenage pregnancy. In order to rise above that, I had to give up my child like ways of self gratification and take up the mantle of motherhood. This process wasn’t something that I was completely conscious of. It was as if there was never another option besides becoming a competent mother. I gave up on a lot of people that I had foolishly thought of as friends. I discarded destructive behaviors.
The pregnancy went along without as much as a hitch. The birth was a completely different story. I was to be induced and was in labor for about two days. I have never experienced a pain so total and agonizing as contractions. I tried to just ride the waves of pain without the aid of pain medication. But, in the end I couldn’t take it. On the second day something happened to pinch the baby’s umbilical cord. I was rushed into surgery for an emergency c-section. He came out blue and not breathing. At the time I didn’t know what was going on. All I knew was that there was some sort of trouble and I hadn’t heard my baby cry. They managed to get him breathing. He was rushed into the neonatal intensive care unit where he was hooked up to machines to help him breathe and basically take care of every bodily function. I was devastated. I thought I was going to lose my little man. Through the whole ordeal I kept the faith that he would triumph over these obstacles, that I would be taking my little boy home soon. I had no doubt that he would be a survivor and fighter just like his mom. He was in NICU for a total of 2 weeks. He made a complete turnaround. It was one of the most difficult things to see my son hooked up to all those machines and the subsequent bruising left by all the needles.
Taking him home was one of the most joyous occasions of my life. My son and I had recovered from such a traumatic experience. We had overcome all the obstacles and had come out on top. There were still worries about his development because of the oxygen that was deprived from his brain. I kept waiting for developmental delay, for some sign of a problem. I was hyper vigilant in regards to every babble, every movement, every gesture that he made. At this time I was still working and the father and I had moved into an apartment of our own. Things were not working out in the relationship department. He was much older than I was but he acted like a child. Granted, I still had a lot of growing up to do, too. Our relationship began to crumble. But, I was determined to try to make it work. I wanted a complete family unit for our son. I never had a functioning father figure in my life and I experienced how devastating that could be. I didn’t want my son to go through what I had. I sacrificed my happiness and sanity chasing this ideal of a perfect family.
When things finally came to a head, I was forced to realize that I could never be a good mother if I wasn’t happy. Just because there is a mother and father in the picture does not make an ideal and perfect environment for a child to thrive in. I left his father and moved back in with an uncle of mine. Throughout this whole ordeal my son blossomed into a happy, well adjusted and intelligent child. We eventually were able to stop going to his developmental checkups. This part of my hero’s journey helped start the transformation into the person I am today. It also helped me realize that some of my ideals were less than perfect. In the end, I was able to see what I really wanted out of life for me and son. I learned self restraint, faith, strength, and kindness. I was rewarded with a beautiful son that was followed by two more wonderful girls. I found a husband who compliments my strengths and fortifies my weaknesses.

I would liken myself to Odysseus. I am like Odysseus because I am strong willed, bound and determined to persevere over all obstacles and do what it right and good. He was out of his element when time and time again he was thrown for a loop. Yet and still he kept his mind and heart pointed towards home. I, too, was out of my element in regards to being a teenage mom. But, I kept focused on my goals. Whenever something of a challenge presented itself to me I vaulted past it. I did not give into the temptations that would prove to be easier. I knew what I wanted for my son and I and nothing would stop me. Odysseus was challenged and tempted time and time again to stray from his chosen path. He stayed true and was rewarded with a life with his loyal wife and son.

When I think of how I would depict myself in regards to my hero’s journey, Friday Kahlo and her many expressive paintings come to mind. For me, she captures the struggles, joys, pains of being so many things to so many people. She is one of my favorite artists. With her style and my hero’s journey in mind I depict myself as sort of mother goddess figure with earth as my skin, and stars as my eyes. I would have pieces of my life and journey connected to me with vines. Being a mother has so many different facets but ultimately you are the center of your family’s universe. I would want to show the nurturing side that I developed by showing myself as an earth mother figure.

My addiction....

2010-04-11T15:06:00.000-07:00

So, I have an addiction. It is putting so much stress on me that i'm losing what little sleep I get. It may not br drugs or alcohol (been there, done that) but it's still a problem. I'm spending money we don't have money that shouldn't be spent. When I see a book or craft supply I want I get it. I try to hold back but I rationalize it and ultimately, buy it. Since moving to the desert, my already poor spending and saving habits have gotten worse. I think it is the isolation and lonliness taking it's toll on me. I get depressed and down. So, to cheer myself up
I buy some crafting supply or book to stave off the depression. I feel pathetic admitting to it. But, I really need to get it under control if we want to go ahead with our plan to move this summer. I've battled with more self destructive addictions in the past and prevailed. I need to reign myself in. I need to be frugal. I need to think of the future and not just chase instant gratification. No more over spending! No more frivolity.

Dreaded lace...

2010-04-08T15:58:00.000-07:00

I'm trying my hand at lace work for the first time and..... I suck. :( I'm attempting to knit this shawl for cousin as a wedding present. Ugh. I've had to start over more times than I can count. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I'm so tempted to say "F*ck it" but now I feel even more drawn to finish it because it is such a challenge. I keep ending up with one stitch too many. -sigh- Maybe if I had a quiet moment to concentrate... HAHAHAHA but, that will never happen.

In other news, I received my partner for the Beltane swap and shipping out my packages to my Herbalism swap partners. OH, and I'm almost done with my Farmer's Market package. Hopefully, I'll be sending on time.

All of my herbs, expect for Rosemary and Lemon balm, have blossomed!! It is such a beautifully sunny and mild day. I wish I lived near a beach. Well, with any luck, we'll be moving this summer and I'll be able to go to the beach all I want!

Spring!

2010-04-01T18:21:00.000-07:00

My lavender and chamomile are sprouting!!! Yay!! ^_^

Cooking goodness!

2010-03-31T20:33:00.000-07:00

These past couple days I've been cooking up some greatness. Whenever D is home I love to make him some filling, delicious dinners. The rest of the week, when he's working, is more low key because its just me and the kids.
Tonight I made pumpkin and sage stuffed shells with a white cheese sauce!! I got the recipe off Craftster. NOM NOM!

The filling was PHENOMENAL!! The pumpkin was set off by the earthyness of the sage and the slight trace of nutmeg, I also added a touch of nutmeg to the white sauce. This recipe is a keeper. Everyone loved it! I served it up with a simple spinach salad to balance the richness of the shells.

Next up was Tiramisu for dessert! I had to improvise a bit because we couldn't find lady fingers anywhere and we don't keep alcohol in the house. SO, I used angel food cake in palce of the ady fingers and run extract in place of rum (which I now realize was pointless because extract is made with alcohol). Mmmmm... this was divine. The creamy custard, the boozy coffee soaked angel food, the rich whipped cream.... seriously freakin' delish. And pretty easy, too!!!

It may not be the prettiest looking thing but, DAMN!!!,ut was good. lol Look at all the luscious layers! ::drools::

Tuesday night I made empanadas. They turned out ok. But, the dough was not worth all the extra effort. And some pretty spiffy guacamole. I adore avocados. I could seriously eat them all day, every day!

I was able to snap a quick pic before D ate it all! lol

Oh, and this is a bit late but I baked this awesome chocolate Guinness cake for St. Pat's day @ my mom's. It was frosted with a cream cheese icing after it cooled.

Here is another St. Pat's day photo... LMAO!!

a drunk cousin of mine... lol

My fiber addiction gets fed... NOM NOM!!!

2010-03-31T20:26:00.000-07:00

I received some awesome stuff in the mail today!!! YAY!! Untouchableface sent me some fibery goodness for the Fiber Club swap. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-check it out!

The colors are so vibrant!! I'm digging the "spring" like qualities for both colorways. They make me cheery! And since they're 100% merino, they are super soft!

And I got my first installment's of Lapoli's fiber club. ^_^

This colorway is called Bradley. I LOVE it!! Its very elemental. The blues and browns kinda remind of a stormy day at the beach. Great job, Cheryl! 4oz. of nz romeny. Anyone looking for a fiber club needs to join Lapoli's. At the price she is offering it @, you can't afford not to!!!

I wanna mohawk!!

2010-03-29T22:46:00.001-07:00

Me and hubby just finished shaving my head and I now have a beautiful mohawk!! ^_^ I LOVE it!

1 year....

2010-03-27T15:33:00.000-07:00

Yup, that's right, folks... We've been married a year!! Our anniversary was March 20th. Wanna hear something amusing? We both forgot our anniversary! lol Its not like we could have done any,anyways. But, I found that pretty dang funny. I love my man! I love that he supports my crafting addiction, even if he doesn't understand it. I love his big ol' ears! I love that we have the same sense of humor. I love what a great dad he is. I love how understanding and caring he his. I love how intelligent he is.I love that he'll drive home over 2 hours @ 2am after a super long shift at work to be home. Thank you, Danny, for this wonderful year. I know we've been through a lot and it hasn't been easy, baby, but I LOVE you so much. You're the one for me! ^_^

Fiber porn

2010-03-10T19:55:00.000-08:00

I'm updating from my iPod. Typing is pretty tedious. Today was taken up with a ton of kitchen time. I dyed over 8 oz. of fiber. I'll post pictures later. So, this isn't going to be much of a update. I'm pretty beat.

Yay! Mail!

2010-03-04T13:56:00.000-08:00

I just received my fist (of hopefully many) pen pal packages from Cindy (Mizell on Craftster.) She sent me some flippin rockin' frankie fabric and some wonderfully fragrant lavender soap...

I've got some stuff in store for her return package :D

Herbalism- If you are my partner in the swap Don't read. !!!SPOILER!!!

2010-03-04T13:50:00.001-08:00

I'm in an herbalism swap on Craftster and I'm friggin diggin' it!! This is the most educational swap ever, I love learning about herbal remedies. So, I concocted the following out of an herbal medicine making starter kit I bought off www.learningherbs.com I also bought the Wildcraft board game. Azriel loves playing it. At our house we loves playing games!

Some amazing herbal salve. It's this gorgeous deep green color

And I'm currently waiting a few more weeks to decant this echinachea tincture.

Next up are lip balms, teas, cough drops, more tinctures, and a bunch of other cool shiz.

I also knitted this up for one of my partners

It's a head band but can also double as a neck warmer.

Spinning attempts as of late...

2010-03-04T13:32:00.000-08:00

Man, I LOVE spinning. I've become a fiber addict. I was uncountable amounts of roving and batts! I've joined a fiber club swap on craftster. I'm planning on dyeing my roving next week. In return I get 4 oz of hand dyed/painted fiber from both of my partners. Yay! I also bought a 3 month package fiber club off etsy from lapoli. I also got a mixed box from phat fiber last month... See below

And this is what I've spun so far from that box....

Cut little mini skeins and balls ;)

And here are some of the bigger projects I've done

The one on the left(the green one) is a milk latter fiber. It was a BITCH to spin. But, it turned out so smooth and silky.

I still have a bunch more fiber to spin up. But, one can never have too much fiber... or craft supplies for that matter!

ARGH! FRUSTATION!

2010-02-08T12:59:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to get in shape since I had Adeline. I've started watching what I eat and I'm trying to make better food choices. I'm also working out. We have a treadmill and I hop on that baby a handful of times a week. In the beginning I was all "Hell Yea! Fuck Yea! This is awesome!" Now, not so much. There seems to be so many things that I need to do before hopping on the treadmill.. >_> <_< Coincidence? I think not. So, in order to spice up my workout routine I tried adding work out videos. The first one was a dance video. That was a joke. lol It was an epic FAIL. I have no rhythm. Then I tried a baby and me yoga/pilates video. HOLY SHIT, I am out of shape :( The next few days my back was hurting soooooo badly. Ok, so it seems work out videos aren't meant for "Plus sized" post postpartum moms. What to do? I know! How about swimming?! I LOVE swimming. I mean, besides having to wear a skin tight swimsuit which will show off every little defect in glaring clarity, it's a great idea. I used to be on a swim team and I seriously love swimming. The cool water, the feel of weightlessness, no sweat. I order a swimsuit, goggles, and a cap. Great! Woo hoo! Feeling super hyped. I call to check the times for the local indoor pool. HaHaha! The voice on the other end of the phone says "What indoor pool? We don't have one." Apparently, I was mistaken. They only pool within a half hour drive is an outdoor pool that isn't open until the summer months. Well, FUCK! Back to square one.

Family update...

2010-02-07T09:14:00.001-08:00

Here is a quick picture update of the family :)

My lovely kids :) They're growing so fast!

My sexy hubby lol <3

Adeline, the newest addition to our brood

Azriel and Adeline

Messy Azalea lol

Potty training... sort of lol

He loves his puzzle books

Diaper head! ahahahahaha!

Azriel as a Slytherin boy...

Me as my Hp RPG character Circe Padraig..

The end. lol

You spin me right round, baby right round like a record, baby. Right round round round.

2010-02-07T08:58:00.000-08:00

I've started spinning. And I must say that IT is uber fun and addicting! I love it. I started out with some beautifully lush alpaca roving.

Drafted it

Spun it

Prepared it for dyeing and setting the twist. I wrapped the mini skeins around an 18 inch ruler so I could easily calculate the yardage. One full wrap around the ruler = 1 yard.

I forgot to take pictures of the dyeing process. But I used Kool-aid, a bit of vinegar (to help the color take faster), hot water, my crock pot and some patience. Here are the mini skeins hanging in the bathroom drying.

And here are the finished mini skeins.

It was a great process.It was relaxing and addictive. I would seriously recommend everyone try it. Its easy to get started, not very expensive, relaxing, and not to mention historical. I'm actually planning on making my own bottom whorl drop spindle from a CD soon.

Whoo-wee!! It's been a while :)

2010-01-19T10:03:00.000-08:00

Gosh, it's been a long time since I've blogged. I keep telling myself that I'm going to keep up a blog, blog about my crafting and my life in general. But, I always get side tracked or I just feel like what I have to say is of no interest to anyone. But, once again I am making a vow here and now to keep it up!!! I DO have an interesting life, I DO have something to say, and I DO have some new things going on in my life to blog about! But... for now I gotta go feed (I'm breast feeding the newest one and it's going GREAT!!!!!) Adeline. I'll be back on later with a full post.

Pic update :)

2009-09-27T11:22:00.000-07:00

Ok so here is the little owl I just finished on the TTT5. I'm very pleased with how it came out. I used some googly button eyes I had laying about. I think the effect is great!

And here are some lovely pics from Az's first "Lunch on the Lawn". It was great to be able to see Az in action at Kindergarten. I think he was more interested in playing than hanging out with his Ma lol

And lastly here is a picture of my 30 week belly!!!! ooooohhhh polka dots! <3

Top o' the mornin'....

2009-09-27T07:51:00.000-07:00

I was hoping to sleep in this morning.... but, it seems Azalea has lost her penchant for sleeping in when her big bro is away. sigh -_- I was up late last night toiling away on my homework, putting some finishing touches on my research and final papers. Now, I'm up eating coconut yogurt. YUM! :)

I'm almost done with my 3rd towel for the TTT5 swap. This is my favorite one so far!^_^ Will post pix later. I need to start working on my book club swap. I know what I'm crafting. I just need to get my arse in gear. NEED a cool looking old tea cup!

This week is a BIG week at Azriel's school. Back to school night, first PTO meeting, and picture day!!! :) Exciting, indeed.

S0, I'm about 30 weeks. A little over 2 months to go. I really excited!

I'm off to feed the doodle monster

Ta-ta

Howard Hughes?

2009-09-14T20:52:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm in the middle of HW (no big surprise there) and I got a message from a fellow TTT5 swapper and I must say that I'm touched. I don't really expect that anyone reads my blog. But, the fact that someone did AND sent me a sweet message is mind blowing. Thank you <3

On another note: Did one of my papers for my Child Development class. Go me! I'm still managing to keep the kids fed and clothed, the grades up, and the house is livable. ::High Five::

Az is doing well in Kindergarten. He's adjusting to the long day(me, too). I love seeing him sit in his classroom looking studious and adorable! <3

Azalea is walking machine!! She walks everywhere now. my little chubs is growing so fast! Oh and she started saying "cheese" today!! lol Probably because she constantly sees me stuffing myself with it. It's a sickness, an addiction. CHEESE. I <3 cheese!! So, she's saying "daddy" "doggy"(which pretty much sound the same lol), "thank you", "uh-oh", and now "CHEESE"!

My alien parasite aka fetus... is kicking up a storm. Much more active than the other two were. I'm almost in my third trimester. I feel like a bloated, waddling, baby making machine. Which, is precisely what I am. The other day, Azriel asked me if I was a machine. lol D must have told him I was baby making machine. Wonder what his teacher will say to that when he undoubtedly repeats it.

I just received my 2nd towel for TTT5 swap. The theme is John Hughes (I keep thinking Howard Hughes lol I even googled Howard Hughes on accident.) I seriously haven't a clue what to do!!! I love all his movies but I can't think of anything to embroider. >_<

okokok Must get back to HW. ARGH!!!

Cheated

2009-09-09T16:07:00.000-07:00

I should be doing research for my paper, doing homework, picking up, playing with the kids, reading, or something besides crying. But, nonetheless, here I am. Crying. Feeling rather shitty.

This pregnancy I'll be having a c-section just as I did with the other 2. The first one was not planned. For the 2nd I could have opted for a VBAC. But, I didn't. I was scared of a real live birth after the ordeal I went through with the first. But, with this pregnancy I have no choice. I will HAVE TO have surgery. I am not so much as worried about the c-section this time as much as I am saddened that I will never be able to give birth. I have never birthed my children. They were TAKEN out of me while I lay there. My body will never do what it was meant to do. I am having my tubes tied with this pregnancy because it wouldn't be safe for me to have anymore children/c-sections. My chance for a real natural birth is gone. My chance for more kids will be gone. I don't know why this is so upsetting. But, it is. I feel cheated. I cheated myself. It's almost as if I lost out on some integral part of being a woman, of being a mother. I almost feel less of a mother and a woman. I keep thinking, I didn't birth my children. I never will be able to. I am incredibly upset. I wasn't upset last time. D's sister just had her baby a few days ago, naturally. This is her 2nd child. She gave birth in about 5 minutes. I'm sure she is up and about. And, I'm happy that she had a healthy baby girl. But, that happiness is tinged with jealousy. I hate it. I hate that I am jealous of her birth experience. God, I am soooooo fucking upset about this. It's ridiculous and useless to sit here crying. I can't change anything. I have to have another c-section. There isn't any other choice. SO, why am I so upset? Why do I feel like I'm missing out on some integral part of being mother? Why do I feel at so much of a loss?

Implode-y-ness

2009-09-04T16:20:00.000-07:00

So, I'm completely and utterly stressing over my two papers due in my Child development course. I haven't written a paper in god knows how long!!!!! Now I have to write one 5 page observation report and an 8 page research paper. >_< I don't even know where to begin. I'm so scattered. I have to do this. Oh wait, no, I have to do this first. No, no, this needs attending to also.... argh. Sp far I'm doing well in all my classes but how long will that last? I'm already feeling the strain. School compounded with Az starting school, Azalea's development, the ever present money issues, D being home every once in a blue moon, the pregnancy, and the swaps is making for a stressed out me. The papers are causing the most anxiety. They are time consuming. Where do I begin? How do I not sound like a ignorant fool? What the hell am I going to say for 8 pages? When will I find the time to research, brain storm, make rough copies, proof read, and finally write these papers? Where does the rest of my life fit in? I need help. I'm in over my head. I haven't admitted it to anyone. But, I think I did bite off a bit more than I can chew. Somehow, I'll figure it out. I have to. Is it bed time yet?

It's cool to stay in school

2009-08-29T20:36:00.001-07:00

Ya. Totally. So like you can be like totally uber smart and stuff and like use big words like superfluous and cacophonous in like sentences and like yea be all smarty and stuff.....

K... don't know where that came from. I think all the chocolate I ate today is catching up to me. Ugh... so tired. But, I have to finish another chapter for my Child Development class and embroider my towel for the Tea Towel Tour 5 swap.

Azalea passed out after I read her, her most favorite board book "Peek-a-boo" :)

Azriel is spending the night with his pops.

D is in Pasadena working.

I am here frittering away time on the computer.

I was perusing the tea towel gallery and "WOWZERS!!!!" my measly lettering is being put to shame!!!! >_< ::Sigh:: If I wasn't nervous before (which I totally was), I sure as hell am now.

Picture post!! Oh, joy!

2009-08-28T19:14:00.000-07:00

Soooo, today me and the fam went to Walmart today. It's seriously one of the only things to do in town. lol We bought some stuff. A new silky, black, lacey top for me... a new pair of little pink shoes for Azalea, work pants for Danny, an area rug, new toy for Azalea, and last but certainly not least... some atomic neon green boots for Azriel! They're girl boots... but no one is telling him that. He REALLY wanted them. You can't really tell that they're girl boots. They resemble Dr. Martens. Here are some pix of my shopping spree. lol

Awesome boots!!!

Area rug

Azalea's new toy

Stuff and more stuff

2009-08-15T12:22:00.000-07:00

Azriel went with his dad today for his biweekly over night stay. D is at work until Tuesday morning. So, that leaves just me and Azalea for a day and night. Azalea is learning to walking. Toddling here to there. It's so adorable!! Today we went for a walk. Azriel and I each held one of Azalea's hands and we helped toddle up and down. She loved it. We all did. Then she helped me push her own stroller. Too dang cute!!! They grow up soooo fast.

I start school on Monday( So does D). Really excited about that. I can't wait. The anticipation will kill me.

This coming week should prove to be busy, but pleasantly so. Monday: Start classes, snack shopping for Vegas, prepare snacks, in the P.M. mom is coming over. Tuesday: Vegas!!! for D's birthday :) Wednesday: Come home, Azalea has her one yr. check up, grocery shopping..... ok well the first few days will be busy. But, I'm sure I'll find a way to keep busy. Between, kids, school, husband, and crafting. lol

I joined 2 swaps!!! I can't believe I did it. But, I did. One is a traveling tea towel swap!!! I've really fallen for embroidery :) And the other is a combo book club/ craft swap. I signed up for the fantasy group. Can't wait to start either.

The bun in the over seems to be coming along nicely :) All tests are fine, the ultrasound good.

My back is killing me!!!! I stupidly did laundry yesterday by myself. Schlepping around 2 kiddies ton of laundry while pregnant is not a good idea. Never again. D usually does it. But, he wouldn't be home in time to do it before Vegas. So, yea... I'm uncomfortable. Today, I take it easy. As easy as Azalea will let me.

Pop tarts, swaps, and birthdays... Oh my!!!

2009-08-01T16:18:00.000-07:00

So, at the moment I'm waiting on some pie dough to chill out so that I can start working on some DEEEEELICIOUS "pop tarts". I'm making a couple different filling variations. (1)marmalade and dark chocolate.--For the hubby-- Orange and chocolate. A damn perfect match made in heaven (2) Plain ol' raspberry preserves.--For me-- (3) Strawberry jam --For the kiddies-- I'm using a plain full butter double crust pie dough recipe. I love using full butter pie crusts. There is just a flavor that shortening can not give. I may be missing out on a little tenderness. But, I wont mind too terribly much with all the yummy golden flakiness!!!

I have completed my first Craftster swap! It was sooooo much fun!!! My bookmarks were graciously received. I am awaiting mine :) I want to participate in more. However, I will be starting classes in a few weeks. And, I wonder if it would be prudent to add swaps to the juggle? Perhaps small swaps? We shall see. But, I was thrilled that my first swap was a great success!! Yipee!!! :))))))

August is jam packed with birthdays. Although, this month may be lacking in official holidays... in birthday celebration it is not. In my family alone there are at least 7 birthdays!!!! My hubby, baby girl and best friend cousin included. My lovely daughter will be turning 1 this coming week. We're doing something very, very small. I'm making a cake and were having my mom and brother over for some grilling. Hub's is on the 18th. We're going to Vegas for a night! Fun. fun :) I have been doing some serious embroidering for his gifts. Post pics later. But, have been at a stand still on what I should make my lil' peanut. Hmmm... there is still time!

And and smack dab in the middle of all that birthday madness is school. I'm excited and anxious. I can't wait for classes to begin. But, am also wondering what the hell I've gotten myself into. lol At least classes will be over before I'm due.

Speaking of which... baby #3 is moving and grooving very, very much now. Seems each day the movements become stronger and more pronounced. It doesn't cease to amaze me :)

Must go check on that dough!

Overflowing and then some...

2009-07-11T09:54:00.000-07:00

Last night me and D made a fabulous dinner inspired by the Food network chef, Tyler Florence. He is fantastic!!! He is an amazing cook with a passion for simple, scrumptious food. His book "Tyler's Ultimate" definitely showcases that. We picked a main and a dessert from that lovely book. I was first swayed by the crab cakes. MMMMMMM crrrraaaab. But, I guess we're too far in boonies here to carry lump crab. oh, pooh! So.... we chose to go with a scallop dish. Never cooked with them before. We wrapped those suckers in prosciutto, sliced some apples and pan fried the lot in sage infised butter. Completely and utterly drool worthy!!! THEN... my dear friends, for the feast does not end there.... I whipped up a batch of chocolate mousse!!!! O M G.... soooo rich... sooo decadent... soooo light.... soooo creamy!!! You get the point, yes? :) I whipped up some cream with a bit of sugar and a tad of pure vanilla extract, chopped some semi sweet chocolate for the top and.... Voila! Pure love and magic contained in a glass. It was actually a bit too rich to finish all at once. My 5 yr old's eyes were bigger than his tummy. He only got about 1/3 of the way through it. I about 3/4 way through. My hubby scarfed his, though. We did however come back to finish them off later that night while watching (FINALLY!!!) Coraline. Somehow even though I've eaten an incredibly rich meal, I end up hungry a few hours later. This baby making business is bonky. lol On to the pictures!!!!

The scallops :) D finished off the apples before I could photograph them lol

The mousse to end all mousses

Swappin'

2009-07-10T14:20:00.000-07:00

I finally entered a swap on CRAFTSTER. OMG. This is huge!!! This is monumental, I tell you! lol I've been putting it off and instead stalking the swapping pages ( I can be pretty creepy lol). I made excuse after excuse... Oh, I don't have time between, school, mommyhood, wifeliness, cooking, baking, and my current craft projects... My creativity with vanish... I'm too cruddy... I'm too tired... blah blah blah. But, this particular swap was recommended to me from a fellow lurker and never swapper. We're both doing the swap. It's a small, quick, and seemingly easy swap. Bookmarks. I mean, how hard, right? Right? RIGHT?!?!?!?! Oh god... what have I gotten myself into!!! lol It's too late now. I'm committed. Wish me luck!! :)

Let's restart this biatch.

2009-07-10T14:16:00.000-07:00

So, I have decided to delete quite a few past postings. I read over them and didn't like what I saw. Perhaps it was pregnancy hormones at the time. But, yea. No more. I'm going to dedicate this blog to me, my family, and my love of cooking, baking, and crafting in general :)

Are you there God? It's me, ZQ.

2009-07-01T21:46:00.000-07:00

Sooooo... it has been quite a while since I have posted. Yes, indeedy. Okie dokie.. here's an update. I'm now a married woman. I'm pregnant again. I live in Barstow. I'm starting school full time in the fall. Unfortunately, I'm still as neurotic as ever. Blah. D is still working in Pasadena. That is the major sucks. I see him a couple days out of the week. Uber crapness. Times are rough. Az1 is starting kindergarten in Sept.!!!! YAY!!!! So exciting! Az2 is a big ol'cry baby chunk butt. Remind me not to name this baby with a name that starts with "Az"... K? Thanx much.

I want to craft more. Like a ton more. I want to have more peace and patience about me. I have about nil :( I go to bed every night thinking about how shitty I was today as a mom, wife, friend... etc(especially as a parent). Needless to say, those thoughts don't make for a relaxing sleep. It's hard to sleep. It's really hard to sleep with knots in yur tummy. I want to be one of those perfectly made up, smiling, patient, doting mommies. I'm the complete opposite. I want to be better. I want to be someone else. I want to find peace. >_< But, how? How do I make time for everything and everyone? I'm basically a pregnant single mom. Give me a sign, whoever you are.

Hija de mi corazon.

2008-07-23T16:07:00.000-07:00

So, for sure we're having a little bundle of girly love :) On the latest ultrasound the technician was able to see her "lady bits". lol Oh, and August 6th.... she is scheduled to be brought forth from my abdomen at around 9 am. Wish me and her luck. I have a packet of papers concerning the c-section that I should probably read... Ugh. Scray stuff, I tell ya. The doc performing the SX rattled out a list of "This could happen... there's a x% chance of this happenening, if this or this happend you need a hysterectomy, blodd transfusion this, infection that...." By the end of it I was like... "Wait... what I am having done again?" >_< Ay Yi Yi! Makes me almost want to consider a vaginal birth, almost. I have my reasons for choosing to have another c-section. Those of which I choose to keep to myself. I'm freakin' inside about the birth. So many what-if's. But, this darling must be birthed one way or another. Besides its getting awfully crowded in there. I don't know how much more my organs can take of being her own personal punching bags. Very much looking forward to holding my little girl.Wonder what she'll look like. Will she have Danny's beautiful blues and shiny blonde hair? Will she have my freckles and little nose? Will she be a pale, creamy skinned bundle or a smooth, olive complected baby? Only time will tell. My little Azalea Elizebeth Macklin, I can;t wait to meet you. You have any amazing family waiting for you :) An awesome big brother, a doting father, an eccentric but loving grandma, another gramma who's kinda spacey but always means well and not mention everyone else!!!!

Soy no mirar más largo porque han encontrado

2008-05-31T09:07:00.000-07:00

Meet me in outerspace
We could spend the night, watch the earth come up
I've grown tired of that place, wont you come with me
We could start again
How do you do it, make me feel like I do
How do you do it, its better than I ever knew
Meet me in outerspace
I will hold you close, If your afraid of heights
I need you to see this place, It might be the only way
That I can show you how, it feels to be inside of you
How do you it, make me feel like I do
How do you do it, its better than I ever knew
How do you do it, make me feel like I do
Do oh oh oh oh oh
You are stellar
You are stellar
How do you it, make me feel like I do
How do you do it, its better than I ever knew
How do you do it, make me feel like I do
How do you do it, make me feel like I do, Yeah.

***************************************

To see you when I wake up, is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same, as I do, is a Three-fold utopian dream
You do something to me
That I can't explain
So would I be out of line, If I said
I miss you.
I see your picture, I smell your skin on, the empty pillow next to mine
You have only been gone ten days, but already I am wasting away
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon
But I need you to know, that I care
And I miss you

Egg Salad.

2008-05-08T12:03:00.000-07:00

Soooooo.... I'm about 26 weeks along in my Prego-hood. Almost 7 months. WOW. My appetite has picked up. >_< I hate gaining weight. I really, really do. I know I must eat. But, sometimes I find myself thinking "Gee... couldn't I just survive on my over abundance of body fat?" Over abundance, indeed. What a nice way to put it. My cat seems to be gaining sympathy weight. How nice of her :)

I'm ever so restless. I want to get out there and complete a triathalon, learn to surf, skate with my babies, swim, laugh, damn it.... even get a suntan!!!! I miss the beach. I miss the lakes. I miss being goofy in the parks. I miss hiking in the mountains. I miss the pool. I miss museums. I miss road trips. I miss adventures. I really do love the outdoors. I really do love being out of the house. Not that you can tell that now. Jesus fucking christ.... What has happened to me?!!!!??!??!?!?! I want to go to summer fairs and farmers markets with my family. I want to go out with my friends and not worry if I'm the biggest lard ass in the room or what I'm going to do if I have a panic attack. I want to say "Panic attack? Schmanic attack."

So.... In an attempt to regain myself I've started therapy. There's this place down the street that offers low cost counseling. So far I've only gone to one session. I go every week. I'm looking forward to each session. I'm excited to begin my transformation back to ME! The therapist seems nice and really willing to help. Yay. I know it's not going to all happen overnight but still, I'm glad I'm taking this step. It's a very important step indeed. Which brings me to my next point. Do I breastfeed or go back on my anxiety meds? Ugh... I don't know. I've been thinking about it a whole lot. While I'm anti-meds.... I've experienced and seen what good meds can do. I've also seen quite the reverse. Ideally I would like to not be on meds and lead a pretty normal life. But, is that possible? Ive suffered with serious depression since my early teens. I've always had body image issues. And now Im suffering severe anxiety. I think I smell a chemical imbalance or two. lol. Not to mention the fact that mental illness and addiction run rampant on both sides of my family. So, if indeed genes play a role in this.... I'm screwed. >_< hah. But, there's hope. I've been reading that with a combination of therapy and medication I could be me!!!! But happy and free! How awesome would that be? But... I want to breastfeed. REALLY, REALLY badly. So, I guess the only thing I can really do right now is wait, thinking, research, evaluate my findings and go from there.

Az's birthday is this Saturday. We're having a party at my mom's. Im excited but apprehensive. I get to see my family and friends and watch Az have a blast. Why am I apprehensive? Because last year I had a panic attack that sent me to the emergency room.(even though I had taken my meds) This years party will be no less stressful. M and his family will be there and they(his family) will be meeting D for the first time. D is an amazing father figure to Az but M is an over grown child neanderthal idiot. I'm making the cake. And we all know how I turn to a perfectionist when it comes to most of my cooking/baking. Especially if others will be partaking in said food. Ugh. Everyone says they're sure it'll be yummy. But what if it looks like crud?! I'm making a marbled sheet cake with chocolate fudge frost and then im going to decorate it with cars and stuff. All those people... all the mess.... ay yi yi!!! Breathe. Seriously, fucking breathe!

D seems to less attracted to me lately. Who could blame him, I guess. My tummy is getting bigger and probably the rest of me, too. Not to mention that fact that my moods are about as stable as the San Andreas fault line :) Just call me Moody McBitchypants. The littlest things are getting on my nerves. And then I just mull over them and yea.... its not pretty. So, can really blame him for not going after my tail much anymore. Truth be told... it makes me sad and hurt. I think I'm revolting but he's always told me and made me feel otherwise. Not lately.

To try and combat my foul moods and thoughts I've picked up sewing. So far I've completed: 2 purses, a pillow, 2 pillow cases, a pin cushion, and fixed a pair of my pants. Right now, I'm working on a purse of a different design. I'm just waiting on $ for materials. What I really want to start working on is clothes! Something wearable. Also... I want to pick up knitting. The little one is almost here and I have nothing crafty to show for it. I tried knitting a couple months back and I encountered some minor difficulties (I sucked hardcore) But, then again, I know that ecpect too much from myself. I expect myself to be able to master what I decide to try. And if I don't then I get pissed and give up. I'm going to give knitting another try and then another and another and another until I freakin' get that shit down!!!! Oh and I also want to pick up embroidering as well. That way I can adorn my beautifully sewn items. Nifty. I would love to join a knitting/sewing/embroidering, crafty group ran locally. I think it would be good for my mental health and the crafting as well. I've looked up a couple but haven't had much luck with finding something local....

Anywho.... the trash is calling to me... Its overflowing. Ewww. Ohhh... and Im going to try and rescue this skirt and trun it into a flowy, comfy top. Wish me luck!

Para vivir y no existir justo

2008-04-19T19:03:00.000-07:00

1. Overcome my anxiety
2. Make peace with my body
3. Complete a triathalon
4. Restore an ol' hot rod from the ground up
5. Learn to sew on a machine
6. Learn to knit
7. Travel by PLANE
8. Learn guitar
9. Travel all of Pasadena on bike
10.Go camping
11.Learn to speak, write, and read spanish fluently.
12.See Frida Kahlo's blue house
13.Visit Mexico for Day of the dead
14.Learn all that I can absorb through every possible means....
15.Experience the world through local cuisine

To tie or not to tie....

2008-04-02T09:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to a routine OB appointment to make sure everything is going fine and dandy. The subject of gettin' my tubes tied came up because I'm opting for a C-section. It wouldnt be anymore down time or much else difference in the overall healing of the c-section. I am giving some serious consideration to it. I dont want anymore kinds. 2 kids by 22. I think I'm good.... yea, thanks. Truth be told, I never really wanted to kids to begin with. I'm not much of a kid person. I love my kids and my friend's kids, but I'm not the person you'll see kiddies flocking to. They make me uncomfortable >_< Wierd, huh? Anywho, I talked about it with Danny, my mom, and his mom.... and I'm still undecided. I know that NOW and in the next handful of years I don't want anymore children... but, I am only 22. UGH. I would just prefer on getting our family situated, getting me and Danny back into the groove of school, and investing our money for the future and basically work towards bettering our financial situation for the family. Another huge reason is my anxiety. That's a huge road bloack for me right now and it has been for the last few years. I want to work on that, contain it, understand it, CONTROL it. I can't do normal family stuff, like, go to the zoo, fairs, the mall, amusements parks, etc. because I'm afraid of panicking . The fear of having an actual panic attack can be as debilitating as the actual panic attack.I hate living in fear EVERYDAY of an attack. UGH. It's stupid. If I am outside of my bedroom(even still in the house or even the front or backyard) I will start panicking about panicking. Does that sound like enjoying life? NO, sir. I'm scared of life. When and why did this start? I know when and I kinda know why. But, I want to know what to do. I don't want my kids or family to suffer because I'm fucking nuts :(

Goodreads.com

2008-03-31T10:32:00.000-07:00

AWESOME!!!!!! I love this site. Its really cool. I like the fact that I can keep track of all my reads. My profile is a bit unorganized at the moment. My ratings and reviews are sporadic. But, overall I'm excited. I love reading anc would love some fresh idead for book to try and recommendations. WOO HOO!!!

On another note. Tonight I'm making chilaquiles and flan!!!! YUMMMM!!

Oh me,Oh my!

2008-03-30T10:57:00.000-07:00

Today is Sunday. Today is my mum's 48th birthday. Today is rainy, chilly, and gloomy. I love it :) Dannykins is at work. I have to say that we have the most amazing sex EVAR! My god, seriously. Just looking at him gets me all hot and bothered. I hope that it always stays that way. I am completely and utterly in love with this man. I dont ever want to fall out of love. A mere thought of his touch awakens a hunger in me. I am always ready and willing. I love him So, SO much!!! EEEEEEEEEE!!!! My heart is all a flutter. Tee hee hee.

Anywho... Today Az is going with his father. I'm taking mom to lunch at Mijares. Sounds yummy. Then we're meeting Danny at Anomaly to get mom her bday present.... a couple new holes in her head(her ears to be exact). Then me and Danny will have the rest of the day to ourselves. Lovely :)

My car is cruddy. Figured out its leaking transmission fluid NOT motor oil.UGH. Thats probably why the damn transmission is fucking up big time. MUST GET TRANSMISSION FLUID!!!

Me and Danny are putting away $40 in savings this pay check. I think we should at least put $40 away each pay check. We really need to expand our savings. I also want to look into retirement plans. Although, we are only 22, I don't think its too early start investing in out retirement. We both have seen how are parents still struggle to meet ends. We don't want that.

Well,I'm off to start getting ready for Mom.

It's ALIVE!!!

2008-03-20T11:56:00.000-07:00

Yea, Hi. Som I decided to get my very own bloggy because Danny has one and I wanna be cool just like him ;P Today is an ok day. Woke up, shared some vanilla yogurt with Az, watched some Scooby doo, Made some cheesy scrambled eggs... you know, the usual. Moving in about 2 days. Super excited. Can't wait to get the heck outta here!!!! My baby bump is growing. Peanut is swirling around. Az is crazy and lovely. Danny is Danny. Always grounded, always laid back. He's my anchor :)