To tie or not to tie....

Yesterday I went to a routine OB appointment to make sure everything is going fine and dandy. The subject of gettin' my tubes tied came up because I'm opting for a C-section. It wouldnt be anymore down time or much else difference in the overall healing of the c-section. I am giving some serious consideration to it. I dont want anymore kinds. 2 kids by 22. I think I'm good.... yea, thanks. Truth be told, I never really wanted to kids to begin with. I'm not much of a kid person. I love my kids and my friend's kids, but I'm not the person you'll see kiddies flocking to. They make me uncomfortable >_< Wierd, huh? Anywho, I talked about it with Danny, my mom, and his mom.... and I'm still undecided. I know that NOW and in the next handful of years I don't want anymore children... but, I am only 22. UGH. I would just prefer on getting our family situated, getting me and Danny back into the groove of school, and investing our money for the future and basically work towards bettering our financial situation for the family. Another huge reason is my anxiety. That's a huge road bloack for me right now and it has been for the last few years. I want to work on that, contain it, understand it, CONTROL it. I can't do normal family stuff, like, go to the zoo, fairs, the mall, amusements parks, etc. because I'm afraid of panicking . The fear of having an actual panic attack can be as debilitating as the actual panic attack.I hate living in fear EVERYDAY of an attack. UGH. It's stupid. If I am outside of my bedroom(even still in the house or even the front or backyard) I will start panicking about panicking. Does that sound like enjoying life? NO, sir. I'm scared of life. When and why did this start? I know when and I kinda know why. But, I want to know what to do. I don't want my kids or family to suffer because I'm fucking nuts :(