Grrr!!! Rant against Barstow.

Ok, bottom line, I HATE this place. I HATE Barstow. This place has NOTHING going for it. The people here are generally trashy and ignorant. They constantly gawk at me and my husband. It is completely isolated here. It is hot as hell. There is no craft or yarn store. No bookstore. No pagan/wiccan community. No crafting community. I have literally "0" friends out here. All my friends and family are back in Pasadena and the Valley. It is thoroughly depressing. And it is really starting to get to me. My depression and frustration have been out in full force.

I've been trying to get some skating in everyday. I wanted to do something fun and healthy for myself. I want to get in shape and the treadmill is getting boring. I also want to eventually join a derby league. There is no suitable area to practice skating. The nearest rink in 45 minutes away. The nearest league practice area is over an hour away. This morning as I was going for a skate I got stuck, for the seemingly 1000th time, on one of the huge gaps in the cement and went down. I just sat there for a minute, willing the tears to not come. I wasn't crying because falling hurt but because the frustration of being stuck in this place started spilling out. Skating is just another casualty of living here.

I am so defensive, frustrated, angry and generally depressed lately. I try to keep a smile pasted on for the kids but I always feel those emotions bubbling near the surface just waiting to burst through at any moment. This place is killing me emotionally and mentally.

ARGH! FRUSTATION!

I've been trying to get in shape since I had Adeline. I've started watching what I eat and I'm trying to make better food choices. I'm also working out. We have a treadmill and I hop on that baby a handful of times a week. In the beginning I was all "Hell Yea! Fuck Yea! This is awesome!" Now, not so much. There seems to be so many things that I need to do before hopping on the treadmill.. >_> <_< Coincidence? I think not. So, in order to spice up my workout routine I tried adding work out videos. The first one was a dance video. That was a joke. lol It was an epic FAIL. I have no rhythm. Then I tried a baby and me yoga/pilates video. HOLY SHIT, I am out of shape :( The next few days my back was hurting soooooo badly. Ok, so it seems work out videos aren't meant for "Plus sized" post postpartum moms. What to do? I know! How about swimming?! I LOVE swimming. I mean, besides having to wear a skin tight swimsuit which will show off every little defect in glaring clarity, it's a great idea. I used to be on a swim team and I seriously love swimming. The cool water, the feel of weightlessness, no sweat. I order a swimsuit, goggles, and a cap. Great! Woo hoo! Feeling super hyped. I call to check the times for the local indoor pool. HaHaha! The voice on the other end of the phone says "What indoor pool? We don't have one." Apparently, I was mistaken. They only pool within a half hour drive is an outdoor pool that isn't open until the summer months. Well, FUCK! Back to square one.